Tuesday, April 5

> Just a random thought, about you.

Its 4am and im still not asleep despite the fact that ive to get up really early tomorrow morning to report in school for SL camp. Currently feeling a little moody but he made my day night a little better, more at ease and comfortable. Its been a really really long time since we had a proper conversation and i couldnt help it but my thoughts lingered and roamed around, back to the days when we were so close, almost being together.

Neither of us got attached ever since that big argument which both of us ran away instead of solving it rationally. I cant deny the fact that i miss him because he was far too important to me at that point of time. So near yet so far, i remembered his friend teasing us with this phrase before the volleyball match started. Yes indeed, we were so near yet so far. All the memories flowing back, the memories which i said i'll leave them in my blog and not think about anymore.

We started talking a little about the past. The time when he were over at my house, then i remembered the exact scenerio of the both of us cooking in the kitchen. Followed by him irritating me while i was trying to sleep. Then, the sentosa trip and back to the time when we first went out together. Drinking and puking and everything else, it was him that brought me back to life, making me face reality that one failed relationship is the door of another. He made me fall in love again, but ironically, he made me realised and strengthen my views about guys, the negative ones.

I dont know why the sudden thought of writing about us, i just felt like it. I felt like crying outta sudden because i feel very useless. Why cant i let the past go completely and just walk away without having any memories? Its making me very hard to move on, especially whenever i mov on, it leads to no where but more and more setbacks and disappointments. I realised its been a really long long time since i share mutual love with my second half. I cant deny, but i do miss the feeling of loving somebody, and of cos to be loved in return by the same person.

I was talking to Isaac the other day about this. I told him i am not looking for a boyfriend, and i do not need one. All i needed is someone for me to show cares and concerns, for me to love, for me to feel sensitive over and someone for me to think of.

Oh boy, i just received an sms from him. Back to the olden days. Dont wanna think so much, like what Eileen says, do not find love, let it find you.

Goodnight my friends, i'll be back on the 7th.

sealed-with-a-kiss < 4:05:00 am

___________________________________________

* yours truly.

amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*

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